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Non-Fluffy Pagans
Lucid dreaming and loved ones (potentially triggering) 
29th-Apr-2011 10:38 pm
weemie me
Someone I care about committed suicide and was found last week. In the two weeks she went missing before we knew for sure what had happened, I had a lucid dream with her in it. In my dream, she appeared before me and I recognized that I was dreaming. I reached out to touch her, thinking that if I did so, it would make me wake up. I didn't. Instead, I felt her face when I touched it. I can still remember vivid detail of how her skin felt, the texture, the roughness. I remember calling out for her not to go. I think I may have even cried this out loud and not just in my dream. Then something came between us (like a thin wall of white, almost like a sheet or sheetrock), and once it passed, she was moving backwards very rapidly until she just disappeared. The dream continued for one more "scene" not involving her before I was able to wake myself up.

I've had dreams before where I knew I was dreaming (usually nightmares that I manipulate to bring them to an end), but I never feel pressure in my dreams when I touch something. Another unusual factor was that she was always a rather vibrant bottle blonde until very recently, when she dyed her hair brown. In my dream, she had the brown hair I was just starting to become accustomed to seeing rather than the blonde I've seen for the past 7 years.

The part of me that needs comforting thinks this may have been her reaching out to me, but the non-fluffy part of me is telling me that my subconscious was very consumed with worry for her at the time. I have no knowledge of exactly when she died so I'm not making any supposition like she came to me at the moment she died or anything ridiculous (pretty sure her family would take precedent).

Lucid dreaming is not my norm, but I have experienced dreams like this one before when I was younger where my great aunt, who was like a grandmother to me and died when I was 10, would come to me to lend comfort. However, they've never included an active sense of touch.

Has anyone had experiences like this? Thoughts?
30th-Apr-2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
I have great respect for the non fluffy part of your brain and feel that a healthy dose of reality checking is always good.

That said...As a medium, I have had this sort of dream visitation many times. And they are often talked about by others in the Blue Ridge Mountains where I grew up. Not witches, or even rootworkers, just every day folk often get such visits.

How do you know she did not visit any of her folks first? Or that she came to you because she attempted to visit them, or get their attention, and failed because they were not open to it.

Nothing says you ever have to make up your mind what it meant, or why it happened. You can just accept it as part of the experience of losing her and let it be if you wish. But in my opinion, it sounds like she wanted to reach out to someone, someone who could see her, and you were the one she chose for reasons she alone can ever know.

Please accept my sympathies on the loss of friend. We always feel we should have known something/done something with suicides. While in truth, sometimes there are no signs, or the signs are things we only recognize later.
30th-Apr-2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your sympathies. It's been a very long, difficult week since we found out.

She knew I would be open to the idea of dream visitation. In the past, we had many frank discussions not only about her depression but also about my my great-aunt in relation to my dreams.

For what it's worth, I know of at least one other person who dreamed about her the same night I did. We discussed it the next morning. He's much more skeptical about dream visitation than I am, though, and his dream seemed much more disjointed in structure. In my dream, she was clearly telling me to let her go and that she couldn't stay. But that could go back to the whole "being open" thing; maybe she was reaching out to him as well but he threw up some subconscious blocks.

You're probably right - so much of me is trying to make sense of all this. While I'll never understand the choice she made, it was like I knew she was gone after that night and began the mourning process even before we received official word.
1st-May-2011 12:50 am (UTC)
Hon- since my fiance passed- I have had any number of lucid dreams about him- he's talked to me about things, he's instructed me, expressed pleasure- or displeasure- and I wonder if he has moved on at all. Sometimes he comes with a message- sometimes not.But he IS there- I can still feel his very slight frame, still see clearly his eyes, and there is a sense of a living being around him- not a ghost- but I KNOW he is dead- I was with him when he died.
1st-May-2011 12:32 pm (UTC)
I've been visited in my dreams a couple of times by people shortly after they've died and it's always very, very vivid and leaves me with a sense of their presence when I wake up. I keep open-minded about it - I don't tell anyone about the dream, but I do hold onto it as a comforting memory of the deceased, as much as any memory from when they were alive.

BTW, I am very sorry for your loss.
1st-May-2011 07:27 pm (UTC)
I've had dreams about the dead several times. The first was a friend in high school who died in a car accident. After her funeral, I dreamed of her coming to check on me and make sure I was ok. Everything was very vivid, and it did not fell like a normal dream. She came and talked to me, very relaxed, nothing weird, except she was in black and white and the rest of the dream was in color. (Like the movie Pleasantville.) I asked her about it and she just shrugged and said that's how it is when you're dead.

The second person was my grandmother. I dreamed I was at her house, and she was in the kitchen puttering around, and sitting in a chair in the living room listening to people talk, very normal. Then I remembered she was dead, and realized no one else in the dream could see her. She was just in the background. I talked to her, and she said she was waiting for my grandfather. I woke up the next day freaked out because I knew something was going to happen to him. He died a few weeks later.
30th-Oct-2011 09:15 pm (UTC)
My heart-felt sympathies for what you & your friends are going through. I lost two friends through suicide and it's harrowing. Loss, guild, grieving, the whole mess. I hope you have friends to talk to.

I've been in a work shop on dreams a while ago and there was one case of a woman dreaming about someone trying to enter her body - not sexually, but like taking it over. It wasn't anyone she knew, but apparently she recognized him later on a picture. He had died in the house she was sleeping in; a violent death.

Based on that, I wouldn't exclude a contact with someone who hasn't quite left our "normal" world in a dream state, where your subconscious is more dominant than in sleeping state. But as an earlier poster said: both explanation, your mind producing the dream or an outside presence making itself felt, could be true, and you don't have to decide on one.

Given the time of year, I wonder wether there's a ritual you can do with someone you trust in memory of your friend and to help all the bereaved ones.

Best wishes to you!

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